When filing by mail to the IRS, can I fold the mailed tax forms?You bet cha! I remember when the form used to say u201cdo not staple W-2u2019s to return. I use to empty my stapler on them. I am sure I am the reason that the IRS now rounds off pennyu2019s to the nearest dollar. We would include a check for the dollars but I used to put coins in rather than round up or down. I always thought it would jam their machine.I am sure the statue of limitations have run on this, but what is the fun of really screwing with the IRS and not taking credit for it. Years and Years ago, we had just finished up a continuing education course for our State AICPA credits. Some of the guys I knew in college and we were not known for the most serious students at the time. After we finished, I guess we all had one to many to drink in celebration, so we headed back to my office where a client had given me a bottle of Glenfiddich which was approaching a thousand dollars a bottle. What we didnu2019t realize was just how strong it was and there was only five of us to polish off the entire bottle.Five of what I would say was the greatest gathering of genius around a table with the exception of Thomas Jefferson sitting down for breakfast by himself. We were looking at the best of the best Accountants that had ever been assembled. So, we decided we all, as a group, would produce the ultimate Tax Return for the IRS and include each and every form. Now this is no small matter as if you do a search of forms on IRS.com | Your Online Resource For Tax Information & Services you will see that it is a monumental task to say the least. So we had to dream up a client that would need just about every form.We had a street in Phoenix called u201cVan Burenu201d. It was full at the time of cheap Motels that you could rent by the night or the hour, didnu2019t matter which. It was frequented by u201cladies of the nightu201d and there was always a tricked out Cadillac with Rhinestone hub caps and Mink interior. The creative entrepreneuru2019s were affectionally called u201cPimpsu201d and we decided to fill one out for what we thought would never see the light of day. We had to have a believable name and we had read in the papers that the police were looking for Rufus Raftus Washington who had escaped while being interrogated for running a ring of Prostitution. We figured old Rufus had vanished into the night never to be seen or heard of again. A perfect candidate for a tax return. We were sure he would thank us if he ever found out we filed it for him.The more we drank of that Bottle of Scotch, the more this seemed like a good idea. Just call it a little pro bono work and we were helping old Rufus get closer to Social Security except we kept having problems. We seriously doubted old Rufus had a Social Security number so we simply put down u201capplied foru201d. We knew that we would have to have a valid address so we all piled into a car and headed down to Van Buren. We found one of the Motelu2019s that had been burned to the ground so we used that address. We were sure Collection was going to show up in person for the amount of Income we were going to show for Rufusu2019s Sporting Girls as they liked to be called. (We only talked to a couple of them to get information on some of the deductions we were about to take). We knew condoms would be by the truck load, shots by suit case full and drugs by the bale. All perfectly deductible in his line of work. We were a little unsure of the Mink Coats as he was wearing them, not his girls.By the Dawns early light, the return was completed. Our work of art. The problem was it became so large, we were unsure it would fit through the slot of the mail box. If there was ever one that was scheduled for an audit, this one was it. There is a program that is funneled by the Tax Payer Measurement Compliance (TPMC) that gives ranges for audits. If any of the so called u201cnormsu201d are breachedu201d, it is assigned a score for potential audit. We are sure beyond a reasonable doubt, that this tax return would have lit up the IRS computers more than a pin ball machine. The problem was that no one could take credit for it. If you read the small print, only those who charge a fee can sign the return as a paid preparer. We did this one for free. So letu2019s drop it off on the front desk of the IRS and run like hell. Maybe they will never remember any one of us who comes in later to represent a client for audit.So to answer your question, yes, you can fold the tax return, but whatever you do, donu2019t drink a bottle of really good scotch, prepare a funny tax return and then stay hidden for twenty years. I bet they are still looking for that poor schmuck. Even with all the credits we gave him, his taxable income was still over a million dollars. I have a funny feeling though that the return is hanging on the Directoru2019s Wall. You might want to make an appointment and see if it is there. The Commissioner's SectionSo boys and girls, if you ever want to follow into a profession that pays hundred of thousands of dollars, you might want to consider going into old Rufusu2019s calling.u00a0 I am sure the fringe benefits would meet or exceed anything Apple, Microsoft or google could offer you.u00a0 Just a simple thought on this Thursday evening.
